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4 Reasons to Hate Haymarket, VA




4 Reasons to Hate Haymarket, VA

If you’re looking for a good town to hate, Haymarket, VA just might be the place. If your glass is always half empty, get your airsick bags ready when you hear about what this town is dishing up for its residents. Here are four great reasons to hate Haymarket (and definitely never move there).

  • Well-educated kids are the downfall of society. Haymarket schools are excellent, so you definitely don’t want to send Junior there for top notch courses that will help him get into great colleges! That’s just more time in school for your child to prepare for a high-achieving career. And with a high-achieving career, that will just mean a happy, financially stable family with grandkids for you to spoil. You can see where this can really spiral out of control for your holiday budget for decades to come. Education, schmeducation. Give us a community with a terrible school system, please.
  • History is a snooze fest. Who wants a town with an interesting origin story that dates back to the earliest settlers, a town that had a fascinating role in the Civil War? It’s not really relevant that the entire town was set ablaze in 1862 when Union troops invaded it. We need to quit living in the past. That’s just more to learn about, and as we’ve established, we are just not cool with any extra learning that could result in happy, fulfilled lives and careers.
  • Fresh air and sunshine cause allergies. Nothing is worse on a Saturday morning than getting up early for a hike in the nearby Bull Run Mountains. Who wants to spend the day observing breathtaking views and communing with nature? Nature is just too risky. What if you get an irremovable splinter? Besides, you might accidentally take advantage of an educational program on nature conservation and throw away your deodorant for good. And you know how many people get mud on their shoes while watching Netflix? Zero. You’re better off staying indoors where it’s clean and stocked with deodorant.
  • Strong communities with tons of activities are abominations. Having lots of friends in the community just means you’ll have to socialize sometimes, and who has the time for that? Just thinking about all the community activities can make you drop with exhaustion. And don’t get started on golf. With four top notch golf courses in the community, you might as well kiss your spouse goodbye for good.

Okay, we give. If it wasn’t obvious, this blog was a bit of tongue-in-cheek commentary on how amazing Haymarket is. Seriously, the optimists out there will love this town (and maybe even the pessimists, if they give it a chance). Haymarket has so much to offer in its great schools, rich history, strong communities and opportunities to bask in nature. Contact the Colgan Team for more information on this fabulous town – and we sincerely do mean fabulous.

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